But I agree with you, she needs way more than my boyfriend can provide, and its not fair to expect this of him. Unfortunately, sometimes a person's true nature comes out when we're having a serious conversation or an argument. But, there are a lot of things that I've let slide at the beginning because I wanted some peace in my life. Listen up to these 20 simple things every girlfriend should beware of hearing. Copyright 2023 Dear Wendy. If he always makes these kinds of immature, mean comments, we should honestly take a long hard look at our relationship. He's honestly spoken loud and clear. We all deserve to be with someone who supports our hopes and dreams and goals, and someone who wants the best for us. Im not saying its easy to choose not to dwell on things; Im just saying its possible. It's possible that he actually wants to part ways but just hasn't worked up the courage to do so, and so instead of just being real and honest with us, he's going to bring it up another way. When a boyfriend says this you have to wonder why. We all love a guy we can bring home to mama. Not even a little bit. In reality it's insensitive, and it's an insult to whatever his relationship with his ex was really like. Being a bad person? WWS. Chances are, though, he's just being lazy and he doesn't want to put the work into the relationship. It's not necessarily a deal-breaker, but it definitely could be a red flag that he's not over his ex. Ive got bipolar, fibromyalgia, and trauma issues just like his ex. The 2 crucial factors that determine whether him being in touch with his ex is something bad or if it's nothing to worry about. Its difficult to offer any further advice/thoughts until i understand more about the lease in particular and other questions. Maybe he's always done this, so we got used to it, but it's still not something that we should accept. Get onto a real dating site and start actually dating people, you will soon realize what you have been doing is nothing short of the 21st century equivalent of having a pen-pal. Try to understand that it is not about you, it is about HIS feelings for his ex that existed prior to you and that are no reflection on you in any way. Or, is he just going to "wait and see?". Writing this letter to boyfriend, expressing hurt feelings and telling him all this was harder than I thought it . Back when we were single, how many first dates did we go on that were so bad that we wished that we could find someone already so we could binge-watch a show together? Addie Pray Does he still have her clothes and sentimental objects hanging around out in the open? It shows that he's still hung up on her and that he just can't let go. Money? Wow. Ask him to do what you do. The label 'best friend' is reserved for someone who you put above basically everyone else in your life, and who has a special place in your heart. He's good looking, successful, kind, caring, attentive, fun, and just a normal, nice guy. I also have bipolar and trauma stuff, which is why I was trying to be sympathetic. I need to change his diet. He admitted that his first girlfriend was better than me and one other but that I'm "very good". Doordash is good, especially in large cities, but its not a reliable primary source of income. Yes, to give him the benefit of the doubt, that person might be kind of annoying but still. Sorry, this post was deleted by the person who originally posted it. Dear ex, not a day goes by where I don't think about the way in which you hurt and betrayed me. For example the way you love your first love is not the same as the second, third, forth and so on boyfriend. March 14, 2014, 1:01 pm. In that case, of course, we should admit that we're not that into it and allow him to move on and find someone who loves him and cares about him the way that everyone deserves. His ex-wife . I dont believe those situations are common, but when they happen, LlamaPajamas Susan says to steer clear of a guy who has just left this kind of super-serious relationship: "You dont want to be the rebound chick. He does need to stand up for himself. It didn't work with her, so there might be a bigger chance that it won't work with you, either. I mean you don't know what exactly could have happened in the dream or maybe what the dream means. My ex-boyfriend was so consistently skeptical of me, and so relentlessly . A guy who thinks that he should be valued over his girlfriend's career is dealing with some dated dating biases. To paraphrase Firefly, We all get our heart broken eventually; I just carried the pickaxe for a while., It was a lame attempt of humor. I prefer something more artful and subtle, maybe a mixtape of Beatles tunes that allude to her needs in a general way: I Wanna Hold Your Hand, Please Please Me, Why Dont We Do It In the Road?, and finally Come Together. Im sure hell take the hint. My friend has been casually dating a guy who was left 3 weeks before his wedding. Thats possible. lets_be_honest Rough, but he actually may be holding onto that terrible memory so that he can hold onto her in some way. Others want to wait a year or two or even more. And you may end up going your own ways, at least until he can live a healthier lifestyle. Lay down some boundaries with desperate ex. If your boyfriend dont want to change this, any of you will be able to have a good life. I know it can be hard, but in the end it will be good for you. The way he explained the lease situation was confusing, Im gonna ask for clarification on that. Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. We watch rom-comsand see characters struggling to find the right words and the right time. Pregnancy and parenting news, given to you in a way nobody else has. Tell him to pack it up ASAP. Susan says that an ex's name coming up out of the blue like this can be a red flag, especially in heightened emotional moments. Sort it out before getting into another relationship. 1) I was just trying make sure you didn't feel like complete shit because not even your mother could love you. We definitely tend to think, "Oh, he's not serious" or "He doesn't know us well enough and once he gets to know us, he'll fall madly in love with us and everything will be perfect." Just to beat a dead horse: that really jumped out at me, because my boyfriend was left THREE DAYS BEFORE HIS WEDDING by a cheating fiance. Well, I have a hard time imaging what else would keep those guys away. They will definitely tell us what they're feeling and thinking, as long as we're actually listening. And then from that well have more dates in the following weeks. As I was reading this comment the post got deleted. "I met my boyfriend's ex and I want them back together," a woman spills in her post on the "OffMyChest" forum on Reddit, a subreddit where users can dish . "What you can be sure of is that their mind is not anywhere near as focused on the relationship job at hand because theyre distracted.". My fianc and I live 35 minutes apart (until May, hooray!) In reality, though, she's probably not that bad at all and he's the one who is making things tough. We bet he'll answer both of those questions with a big no. It was always this idealized view of her possible relationship with them that never worked out. and see each other almost every day of the week. Life is too short and too fun to worry about winning. Is there a plan? Why should we have to settle when we really want to get married? Also, why are you putting up with this arrangement? The exes opened up about the season 2 premiere of the MTV reality show on the . 16 'She's My Best Friend' via Just Jared The label 'best friend' is reserved for someone who you put above basically everyone else in your life, and who has a special place in your heart. "They were basically forced to sign a new lease.." HUH?! Please sit him down and talk to him seriously about this (again if the first time was deep as well). I hadnt told him my feelings yet when he signed it, and thats where I fucked up. Honestly, whenever a guy says "let's see where things go" it really means the opposite. 6. (Read: No one knows he has a girlfriend - YOU) But, deep down, we'll know that's just a bunch of lies that we're telling ourselves to make ourselves feel better. This is a very disrespectful and mean thing to say. Don't even think you are not good enough. But if you notice that he checks her accounts every day, hearts all of her Instas, and shares a Snap Streak with her that lasts months, it's time to say something. March 14, 2014, 10:34 am. Mental health. I've been with my boyfriend for 3.5 years now. I might delete this if it gets popular. It's a matter of basic respect for the new person in your life. We should love and support our partner and they should do the same for us. Nope, that's definitely not the reaction that we're looking for. While we love our exes and love is universal, the way we feel that love is not the same. Don't use reasoning like "I know, but I love him" to maintain a relationship. Caught my boyfriend in a lie and instead of talking about it, he dumped me. While it might be great that your boyfriend was once close to his ex's family, he shouldn't keep those situationships tight after they've broken up. Agreed. He has a bad behavior or three that needs to be fixed. See if yall can point her in the direction of getting on disability or something like that if she doesnt want to get a full time, or even part time job. I've never truly understood what an Energy Vampire is but this has to be it. How Did You Decide Whether to Have Another Baby? Everything is on his schedule. I know everyones different, so the comparison might be unfair, but stilla horrible breakup doesnt have to haunt you forever. It sounds like he has issues seeing the positive in situations. How he deals (or doesn't) with this is likely how he will handle issues that arise in your relationship and lives in the future - ask yourself, are you OK with that? We get that some people have 'a type.' (Also, needing to reassure him that you wont cheat on him is red flag #2). Mental health issues has become the ultimate justification. Maybe he quit his job when we live together and need his half of the rent to make ends meet, so he really should have found another position first or at least talked to us first. Believe him. March 14, 2014, 10:23 am. Should I Tell My Boyfriend About My Debt?. If our boyfriend would rather be with his friends at all times, then that should tell us something about how much he values us and the relationship. LW1 ehhh, I dont think the phrase love of my life is such a red flag *in itself* BUT the reasons behind why thats his go-to description of what happened in the past? Maybe they're FB friends who don't actually talk. Thats what I want to talk about with him when Im able. YALLL IT DID ARRIVE HAHAH Read some of the most popular Dear Wendy posts here. No matter what he says, he can't love you back. March 14, 2014, 1:08 pm. You shouldnt care about how it makes him feel to ask his ex to pick up after herself or put freaking pants on. Like right now I'm feeling really sad and down and I'm about to breakdown. We definitely want our boyfriend's family to like us. "His relationship with his ex-girlfriend is over and they will never be romantic again. No one is #1 right away. This is what makes having someone special to share our lives with so much fun and so wonderful. LW2 sounds like an awful lot of LWs. 2. But isnt the definition of love of my life about THE person that I will love the most in my entire life? Ive thought certain people were the love of my life before and you grow and you change and you accept. Oh I dont disagree that its a messed up thing to say to your current partner. Wait to decide how you feel about them for yourself. He also might have issues with attachment and manipulation. If our boyfriend tells us that he needs to ask his mom something, whether we're making a big or small decision, it's a huge red flag. You deserve more and that situation isnt healthy for you." We need a rule that will help them. Loyal? We one-hundred-percent agree. Why should she change anything - he covers all the rent, bills and most food. We definitely wouldn't love that. Communicate your fears to your boyfriend. Looking at it logically, if your boyfriend truly thought you weren't "hot enough for him," he wouldn't be with you anymore. Unfortunately, people talk and exes do come up in conversations with partners all the time. The cooking, the cleaning, the laundry -- it was a woman's domain. Well, unless he's complimenting us and calling us beautiful, of course. 24K 5.8K Voxxanne 1 day ago The woman who caused the death of my best friend just messaged me. 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