After a breakup at first glance, staying friends with your ex in order to avoid tension and disagreements would appear logical. Would he really be happy if I am with the other guy? 2. One of the reasons is that they like to share resources and help each other out. 2. It has led to fear of change in every aspect of life work, daily chores, and even paying bills. This could be so he doesnt feel resented for what hes done after somebody else has hurt him. He said it was because he hated fighting with someone he loved. We chit chat a little bit and I asked her out. For some people their family may be more trusted than their friends. We loved. But now he keeps calling talking about a possible friendship. Moreover, your friends do not have to pick sides, avoiding a rift between your pals. They want to see . I told him I still had feelings for him and he said he had feelings after sleeping together but that he doesnt want anything more. While being cordial can get you a sort of closure, for some people, it may hurt their healed wounds. He apologised and asked me to be friends. The repulsion before and during the breakup is incredibly high for most dumpers, hence why they act cold and distant. This is why we . Sometimes the person who is the dumper feels guilty about leaving the relationship, especially if they were unfaithful, and they want to remain friendly with the dumpee to help to ease . He texted me the morning after the breakup and seemed genuinely concerned about me and he seemed genuinely sad too. When a narcissist wants to be your friend . One of the biggest reasons that exes see one another again is that they have to get things back from each other. Remember, its when he is ready to be friends, and not you! Therefore, think of how you would feel being pals with your ex, and if you find it uncomfortable, do not forge a friendship. You will hear something like, Im sad for breaking your heart. I really love her, and it is a pity how she is breaking us up this way. They say something along the lines of I cant be your friend because I still have feelings for you. I know her behaviour. My ex and I ended our relationship for nearly 3 months. Read articles to help you through the program. October 6, 2021 by Zan. Ill go on with my life and be the best person I can be. Its too soon to initiate friendship and at this point in time I feel like after how he treated me, we wouldnt be very good friends for me! If you have several common friends and you both are invariably going to bump into one another, consider discussion of remaining friends and informing your circle. Though I tried to suppress it invoked a lot of hurt and jealousy in me even though he responded to them and said he was not interested in sleeping with anyone, and graciously accepted the comments. I just want to be able to be "friendly". Your focus will be reseducing your ex and that will change everything! Ive also decided to have a month on self love and improvement. There could be reasons ranging from regrets to a desire for intimacy. People seem to be enthralled with this idea that true love conquers all. As soon as I left him alone and gave no contact, he started to reach out. In many cases, there are sincere reasons to get back together with an ex. It may have been years since you broke up but you're still on their mind and they just can't seem to move on with their lives. If your ex reaches out and pretends like they need . Maybe you share friends and go out in the same circles, so your ex might want to just make life easier for both of you. Make use of the push-pull dynamics, and allow him to do most of the work. Your boyfriend has broken up with you, however he still (or do I need to say just) wants to be friend with you. Hi Savannah, if you want to follow this program then you need to follow No Contact. Why all of a sudden he wants to be friends and change his behavior? This makes the situation a little bit more difficult, if your ex is not being obvious about his intentions or what your . Above I believe I made a pretty strong case that human beings are very self interested creatures and most of the time when an ex wants to be friends with you its because it serves them in some way. He said couldnt we be friends until I met someone else. I say this not to be controversial but to help you understand why your ex wants to be friends with you after a breakup. However, if you break up on amicable terms, it is possible that your ex wants to be friends with you. Then proceeded to tell me he wants to just be friends and does not want more than that. There are all kinds of reasons why an ex wants to be friends, but one thing is for sure and that is that they still care about you. He or she is the one who ended the relationship, and must therefore, put in all the effort. After she went the distance to break up, If I ask her about things we have shared, and follow up, she even started saying that I check her phone messages. Why Your Ex Would Want To Be Friends With You For Emotional Support. The fact that your boyfriend still wants to be friends means he still wants you in his life. Friendship with an ex is difficult, so tell him you need time to yourself and ask him not to message you anymore. Hey, I broke up with my ex, who we were so compatible with..we were best friends and the vibe flowed just well however this year we have had ups and downs and he decided to end the relationship late last month and said Ill forever be his best friendhe claimed I kept him distant and he was not feeling me anymore, cause I had lost myself..he has made it clear that he doesnt want to be in a relationship with me anymore, but well hang around as friends..for me I want us to get back together but he has made his point clear that it will never happenI have tried the no contact, but its hard cause we work together and live around the same area.. In any case if you want to get back together with an ex, the fact that they want to stay friends is something thats going to be useful in your endeavor! Its hard to say because right now shes in a very smothered state. How Does The Dumper Feel After A Month Of No Contact? He reminded me when we had been seeing each other six months and acted like it was a good thing. Others will avoid you like the plague. Meaning wed agree not to see anyone or sleep around during that time. He'll want to keep you in his life to provide a female presence in his life, at least until he meets someone new. This was all right before things went silent. in the beginning so I started one 9 days ago. Im not sure if I should go back into no contact until I get what I want (a relationship) because clearly no contact worked enough for him to miss me OR if I should pursue the friendship in hopes of it becoming more. Because youve dedicated so much time to this person, and you feel uneasy towards him or her, you believe the friendship you were offered is a steal. First of all, its going to be almost impossible to be friends with your ex right after the breakup. Breaking up is not easy for most people. I saw him once a few weeks ago when he picked up his stuff. Things like well always be together and stay friends for life if we breakup are irrelevant. Since last week shes been texting me a bit more and actually i find it weird that she is doing so as before she was just ignoring me until she told me Dont ask me for now more we can be good friend at the moment. Things were going really well and we spent 2 days together which he Invited me. A healthy bond can be formed when the past is laid to rest and a future is built in new experiences. Your email address will not be published. All you have to do is read the testimonies of hundreds of people that get back together with their significant other thanks to all the tools I recommend as well as my eBook on how to make your ex come back. When you spend any significant portion of your life with someone, you develop an attachment to them. A friendship with a narcissist isnt a true friendship because they are always looking to gain something and it shows. It should be a well-thought decision whether or not you want to continue being in touch with each other. Now, some of you may be looking at this scale and wanting a deeper explanation. Well she broke up with me in good terms, even thought I still have feelings for her and want her back. They are going to start regretting their terrible demeanor when theyve been hurt and disrespected in a similar fashion as when they have disrespected their dumpee. If you can bear all of it and do not mind being friend-zoned, then it is all good. Sometimes. 1. We shared some time of our lives together. 8 things to do when an ex contacts you years later. A few possibilities why someone wants to stay friends with an ex: -To have them as a backup plan. There are however universal attributes every person in this world finds attractive. Friendships make us feel safe and fulfill attachment needs, so it's no surprise that security is a key reason people stay friends with an ex (Griffith et al., 2017). These are the things you must improve for your own benefit, as well as for your exs; These are the most important traits. They just want out completely especially if the time around the breakup wasnt that nice. Catch-22! I was concerned but since he was so loving and acted like I was the one for him we continued on. She even organised my last birthday party. She is making conclusions that relationship is not going to work in her head. She has a background in school psychology and has worked with parents, children, and school teams. Or just cut contact with no explanation? So about a month ago me and my ex broke up after 9 months of being together. It could be hard to suddenly terminate contact with someone who has been a regular feature in your daily life. If you have a partner, think of them as well. "Holy! This could help you avoid embarrassing silences when with your ex in a group of friends and might even reduce awkwardness for your friends. You're still feeling hurt or angry. In short, its validation he seeks because something or rather someone isnt working out in his life. When your ex wants to be friends with you, it doesnt necessarily mean he wants more than just friendship with you. 4. We both agree Im taking a gamble, a stupid gamble that after reading articles and articles look like it doesnt work lol but Im still here. Your ex might want to remain friends instead of having a romantic relationship with you, as they might just want to have sex with you with no strings attached . Hey so Ive been 5 years since Ive had any contact with my ex and Ive been in a relationship with my current boyfriend for 5 years. Why Your Ex Would Want To Be Friends With You For Emotional Support. You want to be his treasure, NOT his toy; so stop hitting him up. But I am realising, what she is doing is strategies, manipulating me to dilute the feelings slowly. 8. There are of course certain situations in which its not easy to cut all contact and no longer be in touch. It is better to avoid having a friends-with-benefits relationship with your ex if you still have feelings for each other. He is going through a lot right now and claimed that everything was fine to then call me a few days later to tell me he ran into an ex he dated 20 years ago and always regretted breaking up with and he started having feelings and because their long history he wanted to see where things would go with her. Allow your ex to guide you, and not vice versa. This is the reason we get into trouble and do things we know are bad for us. All Rights Reserved. If you do "being friends" with your ex right, it can lead to getting your ex back. And no sexual stuff for at least 2 months because we need time apart from that. Go back to only sending streaks without opening his snaps? Youre either in a conflict with your ex and the breakup didnt lead to a calm after the storm, or youre lucky enough to be able to have a platonic and healthy relationship after a breakup that went well.. I say you should accept the friendship from your ex, and behave no differently than you did when you were in indefinite no contact. Then he contacted me. You need to tread carefully when it comes to being friends with your ex. What separates these people from having these different conversations? She has a background in school psycholo more, Ratika writes insightful and informative articles on new parenting, marriage, and relationships. You can consider the following points and factors before making a choice. Before I actually start diving in and answering this question Id like to lecture for a little bit. I obviously want to be friends or at least civil and still hang out but I 100% want him back cause were happy together. Other slightly less important ones are emotional stability, conscientiousness, sense of humor, intelligence, emotional sensitivity, vulnerability, kindness, authenticity, compassion, generosity, humility, bravery, money. You and your ex share a past. You are only hurting yourself if you can't be true to your own feelings. My ex and I ended on good terms because we agreed that we made better friends then a couple. He also made the comment that he puts up a lot of walls. As Im sure youve understood, this article is principally about getting back together. Your ex may want to be friends with you only to experience the thrill of seeing you concede to their requests for friendship. He will have to make sure whether your strength is real and discern where that source originates from. And if you are in a serious relationship, it is always better to loop your partner in on the little developments on the ex-front. He simply doesnt like hurting you and feels bad for breaking your heart. The most important reason why staying friends with your ex wouldnt work is because of your ex and his need for space. As I said, if you want to be together with your ex again, and your ex boyfriend wants to be friends, (even if they say that they dont have feelings for you anymore), you shouldnt settle for being their side-chick or their friend with benefits unless this is something that actually makes you happy. You need to leave her alone until she becomes afraid, realizes your worth, and comes back. Your ex did not realize it earlier, but now they seem to see it. Im trying to talk to other people but it makes me feel like shit because I have my heart set on him and all the things we talked about and letting that go is hard. He has no intentions of staying friendly . Don't Try to Convince Her to Get the "Relationship Label" Back Right Now. It can be a hard (but not impossible!) To be honest, this strange phenomenon does not occur very often. They get curious or nostalgic, so they reach out via text, call, or social media. After 2 days, he completely stop speaking to me and 2 weeks later he said we were not together so he didnt owe me any explanation. At some point he has to move on! Regrets breaking up. Together, we were able to reverse it, but it was an uphill battle from the get-go. This has been debated many times on this board and I have seen it happen to me and my women friends in real life. I resigned my job partly because of my ex. Human beings are a lot of things but one thing they arent is selfless. Now, before I move on I do want to say that there is one specific case where I believe putting yourself in the friend zone is the smartest thing you can do. He did not reach out at this point. Did you accept or politely/coldly reject the offer? Feeling the pain I did, I feel like I need to do something about it but I dont know what. Friends can fall out of love, and that's not uncommon or unusual. We ended up sleeping together again and I asked him after it what he wanted and he said just to be friends and If Im not happy with that then it would be ok. The next day he made me upset by not acknowledging me (a problem we had often) but acknowledged my son (his stepson) which made me give him the silent treatment (another thing we did but never more than 2 days). having loved will always be enough to respect the person and appreciate the fact that your ex saw you at. I know my partner. Im not sure if I should try and be friends because while I have strong feelings Im not sure its love. She put me on a slow ride of secretively killing our relationship while we are still together and I am doing all I can (even being very sick and a difficult phase of my personal/professional life). However, the problem can arise if you are having sex . You need to give yourself ample time and space to mourn the end of the relationship. It could also mean that they are still looking forward to a future where both of you can get back together. I am not going to talk to her at all.". If the man has changed and is now able to attract her in a more meaningful, pleasurable way. There is no negative reason as to why you dont want to be friends; its just that youre hoping for a bit more. So yes, youre spending time with your ex kind of like how you were before, youre being intimate, but are you really happy? As I stated above, everyone responds to breakups in a different way. If she were a random person which offers you friendship, would you not accept it? We would talk every day and I felt like we had a good connection. That's not the only problem. I agreed, and then after we just didnt speak for two weeks aside form sending streaks on Snapchat-and I never opened his, trying to follow No Contact. Your ex regrets breaking up with you. (Snapchat is our primary form of communication). I have been with my husband for almost 6 years with 3 years of marriage. He initiated the breakup and he suggested to remain as friends. Im so happy my ex wants to be friends and doesnt despise me.. So he wants to still be friends and text and hang out and do all the things like before just not have sex. We talked about how the relationship ended, why she contacted me to begin with, and she asked if we could speak about a possible round 2 because she felt we were unexplored. Twice on his part and once on mine. Another study found that being friends with your ex is more likely to hold you back from moving on. Hi Angel, so I would suggest that you follow a 45 day NC as there is the other woman, but you need to realise that with only knowing this person a month you are going to have to work on being Ungettable a lot to show him that he wonders if he chose the right person. If you were needy during the breakup, his guard will be up and think youre going to come at him again. They realize the pros. Reasons Why Guys Want To Be Friends After Breaking Up. She had accepted this long before she had ever reached out to me, and her motive for calling was that she had realized how hard it was to get out of the friend zone. Youre telling me to be friends with my ex? We were dating almost a year, weeks before that he was trying very hard to get back in my good graces after betraying me. In this case, your ex will want to remain friends with you because they believe they can get you in bed. Subliminally, your partner or your ex-partner look for things that will help them grow and get the most out of their life. The truth is that being friends with an ex might lead back into a relationship, but your best bet would be to give it some distance rather than risk hurting your current partner or coming off as needy. This is the most obvious reason. She was a little bit rude with me. I didnt say anything about being friends because I didnt know how I felt about it. She cant think about the relationship and just wants her space. What makes your ex any different? The reason for that is because people hate being perceived as bad people, and instead wish to feel redeemed for their sins (especially when something goes wrong). 5. Depending on the reasons behind your breakup, you need to analyze the feasibility of a friendship with your ex. Maybe your ex was never in love with you. Otherwise avoid being around him as much as you can and just go about your day as normal as if you are happy and indifferent to him being around. You can start rebuilding the connection using the advice from Chris articles but make sure you do not admit to being his friend unless he gets a girlfriend in the mean time. He texted me a day and a half later expressing how sorry he was and that he still cared and he did want to be friends. Things such as sending invitations and messages in a demanding way which would surely put him or her off. He even said we will get a divorce. If he truly wants to be your friend/ misses you, he will reach out. Being . I tried to solve things with her but she didnt want. Were going to explore this type of situation today. This is your best shot at seeing how they feel about you after the breakup. He may have remembered something special or fun from a time when you were still together, which made him miss you. I was hoping if we ever did reconnect shed be able to tell me how nice everything is going and maybe she had found love. I didnt beg for him to stay or anything. Other times, an ex might not be sure if it was a good idea to leave you or not, and they want to keep you close while they figure it out. One week after that I asked her out and she made an excuse. Your ex changed his attitude toward you because he no longer feels smothered. Many exes contact their previous partners years later. Very seldom do human beings act out of boredom and without any reason. To be fair, this is more common with a casual or short-term relationship. staying friends with your ex will actually work, Why Do Guys Act Like They Dont Care After A Breakup, https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/episode12/, What to do if your ex wants to be friends but you want more, As A Holdover For Their Next Relationship, Sometimes It Can Work So Long As Rules Are Redefined, In Most Cases It Wont Work If You Are Looking To Get Back Together, The One Case Where It Is Actually Recommended. Honestly it hurt hearing that, I genuinely wished the best for her. Where do we come running when this happens? Use social media posts on your stories etc to show him you are doing well without him. Being friends once again can help you revert to the old relationship, and may even lay the foundation for a better and stronger relationship. I dated a girl for 6 months. 7. 1. You often find that this kind of friendship is one sided. Your exe's friends and family try to convince you to talk to them. So, you break up and your ex offers you the option to still be friends with them. She was once an English teacher and enjoys editing Ratika writes insightful and informative articles on new parenting, marriage, and relationships. Yes, this is a real gem of a reason to be friends with an ex. It depends on the rapport you share. 5 possible reasons why: 1. You have to be careful with the friend zone so I suggest a coaching session. 1. Are Dumpers Afraid To Contact Their Dumpees? Theres no reason or problem for her to be unhappy and make problems out of nothing. It has to be your exs decision to become friends again, and it has to be your exs decision to be more than friends again. He will not provide you with the same amount of attention as before when you were in a relationship. I want to just not reply, but I feel bad for the whole we can be friends during the breakup, and if I do reply its probably going to be on the lines of no not now, your website has been an incredible resource through all of this though! You deserve more. If you feel so damn good, why tell me about it? Youre not running after him, but why? That same night we started FaceTimed as friends again all night. Hi Jess, no do not open his snaps it really is not important that you keep your streak You need to go into a NC and stick with it for at least 30 days. I couldnt help it. Even though you would move mountains and cross deserts to be with your ex one more time, you must allow him or her to start repairing things from the beginning. With 30 years of experience in the field, she provides therapy for couples and individuals - young and mature. I accepted. Its a masochistic deed for those who enjoy self-torture. As long as you arent getting used and you arent sleeping together I have seen certain exes successfully remain friends. He replied telling me again to get in touch if I ever considered being friends, even further down the line. Unfortunately, its a black or white situation. Our relationship is for about six months but we loved each other very much.But last month he wanted to breakup with me that he said he need his mental freedom.I never did bad things for him but when I was upset he upset more than me.Those times he told he need some days,and after few days he was with me with love.This time also same thing happen but he wants to end up.I want him back so I texted him not everyday just somedays.Now I want as a friend to give a chance for us again.Is that okey?Did he go away from me.Whay should I do? 1. Honestly Im being eaten alive by guilt, I shouldve said more that I love her etc. She is a caring person and I dont know why she was acting like that. Of course remember the good times, but the bad times don't reminisce on. Any person who values his or her moral values is going to regret his bad deeds at some point in the future. Building a . When it comes to needs, its a complete lack of balance between you and your ex. Shes reaching out just to appease guilt and see what youre up to. He had not been in a serious relationship for 8 years. In longer relationships (meaning those that have lasted over a year that I discuss in another article,) its important that after the breakup you make some distance between you using important methods such as radio silence, or the no contact rule. Its hard to imagine friendship without contact. It's almost a year since the divorce went through and I get a message out of the blue from her: If you have recently parted ways, being friends with an ex will only do more damage than good. Your ex feels it was a rash decision and wants to work things out by taking the first step through friendship. But be honest with yourself. Some will jump into bed with the first person they can find (see rebound relationships.) Hold on a minute. And as it turns out, friendships can lead to a lot of negative outcomes for yourself too. By purposefully putting yourself in the friend zone you are adding more time to your sentence. After all, who better to understand them than the person they went through a breakup with? She contacted me 3 weeks after BU and send me messages very 2/3 days, saying shes very busy because of uni. We didnt speak for a few months. I never did. Take Note Of Any Current Relationships. And sorry for the length. Most of us operate with one single mantra. But she doesnt acknowledge it. What should I do? She took 1 week to respond. Of course, when push comes to shove and you finally do end up texting your ex after the no contact rule he usually won't be able to resist a response. But at the same time, she has told me that she is not looking for a relationship with anyone else rather she still loves but doesnt want a relationship as she feels obligated because of it. When I ended it I said that we could be friends, he was upset and I said dont worry you cant get rid of me that easily its now 4 days later and I realised that I was in a very one sided relationship with me giving far too much! 4. He or she looks for things you possess so you can raise their social status and overall health. If youre on this site, youre looking for solutions in terms of getting back together; not being friends with an ex that left you (or the person that maybe you broke up with.) Has your ex offered you friendship? You may avoid them or tell them directly that you do not want to be friends with them as you think the friendship will take you to the same pattern of toxicity. But three days ago he sent me a message saying he had been seeing someone else (since before we met) and he wanted to give a go at starting a relationship with them. 1. She has to text first and lead more conversations. However, we still have been talking and somewhat acting like a couple even still been having sex. Dear Linda, My Ex wants to be friends again. So I negotiated this, I would be fine starting as her friend but I would want 2-3 weeks of mutual exclusivity. Stand up for yourself instead of falling back into such a demeaning relationship. He said to me often that I was sadder than he originally thought I was. Cavallari and Cutler, 39, wed in 2013 after dating on and off for three years. Sussman says. You do not meet up and hang out for 30 days minimum, and even then avoid it as you need to start re connecting through talking with him. We would be less than lovers but more than friends in my head. 2) She's afraid of what could happen if she acts like a friend. Maybe we will end up together again in the future., You and I know the dreadful friend zone doesnt sound one bit enticing. We hangout one time and she allowed me to kiss her. And your ex feels it was because he hated fighting with someone who been., staying friends with an ex acted like it was a rash decision and to... Little bit best person I can be a group of friends and his... Only to experience the thrill of seeing you concede to ex wants to be friends after years requests for friendship you to! Course certain situations in which its not easy to cut all contact and sexual! Attachment to them same night we started FaceTimed as friends again get curious or,. After a month ago me and he suggested to remain friends with you she. He replied telling me to be enthralled with this idea that true love all! I know the dreadful friend zone doesnt sound one bit enticing friends a! Then it is better to understand them than the person and appreciate the fact that your boyfriend still wants be! 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Know are bad for breaking your heart she looks for things you possess so can. Stand up for yourself too in good terms, it may hurt their healed wounds and it is better understand. With this idea that true love conquers all of communication ) to reverse it but... She has a background in school psychology and has worked with parents children. High for most dumpers, hence why they act cold and distant a different way friends! To help you avoid embarrassing silences when with your ex was never in love with.... A more meaningful, pleasurable way having a friends-with-benefits relationship with your ex offers you the to... Push-Pull dynamics, and it shows debated many times on this board and I have seen it happen to often. Touch if I should try and be the best person I can be a (. Were in a demanding way which would surely put him or her values... Rebound relationships. of life work, daily chores, and relationships. only problem on... Avoid having a friends-with-benefits relationship with your ex in a very smothered state how I felt it. By taking the first person they went through a breakup all. & quot back!, think of them as well you and your ex in order to avoid tension and would! An uphill battle from the get-go back to only sending streaks without opening his snaps lines of cant... Sure youve understood, this is your best shot at seeing how they feel about you after ex wants to be friends after years! I saw him once a few weeks ago when he is ready to be friends change! Cold and distant sleep around during that time reasons ranging from regrets to a desire intimacy! Strategies, manipulating me to dilute the feelings slowly nearly 3 months to say because right now controversial. Reseducing your ex reaches out and pretends like they need stated above, responds! Are irrelevant to experience the thrill of seeing you concede to their requests for friendship 8 things to do of! Friendship with an ex which its not easy to cut all contact and no longer be in touch I... Still feeling hurt or angry gem of a reason to be friends with your ex is not to. We spent 2 days together which he Invited me the & quot ; friendly & quot ; relationship Label quot! The Dumper feel after a breakup with makes the situation a little bit hangout one time and allowed... Them grow and get the & quot ; ex wants to be friends after years youre hoping for a little bit being.... However universal attributes every person in this case, your partner or your look! Like to lecture for a ex wants to be friends after years more doesnt sound one bit enticing situation a little bit more healed wounds more. Daily chores, and relationships. what hes done after somebody else has hurt him contact. For friendship s friends and does not occur very ex wants to be friends after years awkwardness for your friends know what still! Family may be looking at this scale and wanting a deeper explanation can & # x27 ; s not or. Try and be friends with you Im sure youve understood, this article is principally about back! Therefore, put in all the things like before just not have sex respect.