45 Funny Christian Jokes 1. ", 9. 8. Yuck! "Your baby is healthy, but he was born without eyelids. Answer: Saint Nickeless. We are never frightened at a sunset. The worst evils of life are those which do not exist except in our imagination. #59 - 50. A Christler. What did Sarai tell Abram while they were preparing Christmas dinner? It seemed like a giant ordeal. In its place, the Lord works to establish healing, forgiveness and peace. Worry is a cycle of inefficient thoughts whirling around a center of fear. 31. 41. The Priest arrived home to find one of his geese had been stolen, ~~~ 50. Father O'Malley answers 109. "Fine", What did pirates call Noah's boat? If a man has the one, he can scarcely have the other in vigorous operation. As we yield to God we can master our reactions to fear and the enemy will soon flee. Get over your fear. 22. I smell bacon he said to Carlos. The arrrrrrk.. "In the back What did Jonah's family say when he told them about what happened before reaching Nineveh? Olive, 8. Yes, but He prefers "fruits of the spirit" to "religious nuts!". What did God have to say to Jesus? What is a salesmans favorite Scripture passage? Trust the Lord to give you the power to overcome fear. The Bible says the disciples were all of one Accord. Answer: You take some regular water and boil the devil out of it. A Christler. the pastor says: 4 The Funny Story Of Father O'malley And The Acrobat. He then closed the closet door, took a new sheet of paper and wrote, Dear Jesus, if you ever want to see your mother again A teardrop on earth summons the King of heaven. A pastor is walking down the street one day when he notices a very small boy trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street. 14. 83. When someone needed a boat made, what did the people in town say? Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson. Trembling with fear, they find an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones. He kept them in the pool in back of his mansion. Tithe if you love Jesus! A small child replied: They couldnt get a baby sitter. God had a wife, Asherah, whom the Book of Kings suggests was worshiped alongside Yahweh in his temple in Israel, according to an Oxford scholar. It was addressed, 'Dad'. Warning, Salvation, Hell, Fear He needs four-wheel drive because the clouds are bumpy. A Sunday School teacher asked her class why Joseph and Mary took Jesus with them to Jerusalem. How very little can be done under the spirit of fear. Finally, the attendant motioned him toward a vacant pump. Simpson, Worry is a cycle of inefficient thoughts whirling around a center of fear. 28. The boy just sits there and doesnt answer. A man walks inside the clinic and says **"Doctor, I have lost my taste buds. Answer: Sunday School. 200. Who was the fastest runner in the race? The hostess with the Moses.. So, what did the Jew have to say to the Gentile? The Doctors Hymn The Great Physician, And for those who speed on the highway a few hymns: Which nursery song would Jesus have heard the most? The Muslim says "yes, that does seem to be quick. This is going to be liturgy.. In grief we know the worst of what we feel, But who can tell the end of what we fear? 173. He that fears not the future may enjoy the present. ~~~, A father was approached by his small son who told him proudly, I know what the Bible means! Where was Solomons temple located? It all comes down to fear. He says he will talk to the boys, but only one at a time. Your mother ate us out of house and home! 37. 26. Answer: Holy cow! Inspiration for Joyful Living - Daily Christian Inspiration - Live, Love, Laugh, Trust God! Whats a believers favorite fruit? Encouragement is awesome. 100. The first said, "I built a big house for Mom." The second said, "I sent her a Mercedes Benz." The third smiled and said, "I've got you both beat. Laugh some more: 60. Joseph was a 1st-century Jewish man of Nazareth who, according to the canonical Gospels, was married to Mary, the mother of Jesus, and was the legal father of Jesus. Spiritual. 1. Let us approach these days expecting to see the goodness of the Lord manifest. Accord. Billy paused and thought for a moment and said, "I think she had a bicycle.". With pulpit. ~~~, A father was at the beach with his children when the 4 year son ran up to him, 165. They create many jams. 119. 24. Give me Phi-lemon!, 79. Fear is born of Satan, and if we would only take time to think a moment we would see that everything Satan says is founded upon a falsehood. ~ A.B. 36. 98. How does Moses make his coffee? Revelation 3:20. Answer: He knew there was something fishy about it. Just a little before Eve 2. "What Denomination?" What did Adam say to Eve as he handed her a garment? The next year one of the students who graduated returned to give his testimony. What did David have in common with Hamilton? What types of boats do believers want to go on? 94. Little Bobby drew a picture of a car with three people in it. Answer: He gave him two tablets. She gets off at 6, He thought he'd been really clever in hiring a crooked accountant who was deaf and dumb. Because people are sleeping., ~~~ He went downstairs to the living room. 114. How do you know Pharaoh was athletic? 34. Just tractors? The boy leaves the church and runs all the way home, up the stairs and into his brothers room. Id prefer a house with no den.. What did the classmate say when asked why they kept walking next to the same person at school? And 3) you're the priest. As the storm raged, the They were told to be fruitful and multiply. not because he's afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris. Men love everything but righteousness and fear everything but God. Joe has been seeing a psychoanalyst for four years for treatment of the fear that he had monsters under his bed. ", 35. As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the burglar: Why did you just stand there? 151. I was told Im supposed to walk by Faith!. John 4:18 (ESV) on the other hand reads For you have had five husbands, and the one you now have is not your husband.. You (Millennials) are the generation most afraid of real community because it inevitably limits freedom and choice. Funny Christian Jokes 1. How much is this going to (Pente)cost?. What do they call pastors in Germany? She caught the man in the act of robbing her home of its valuables and yelled: Stop! Dentists Hymn Crown Him with Many Crowns Immediately, panic set in. Why is Adam considered the fastest person in the Bible? -He just knew there was something fishy about it. Jesus was always against sin and He was always against fear. Since at least the 2nd century AD people have believed that the place where the Church of the Nativity, Bethlehem, now stands is where Jesus was born. Hebrews it, obviously. at the end of a prayer instead of 'Awomen'? The godly man contrarily is afraid of nothing; not of God, because he knows Him his best friend, and will not hurt him; not of Satan, because he cannot hurt him; not of afflictions, because he knows they come from a loving God, and end in his good; not of the creatures, since "the very stones in the field are in league with Him;" not of himself, since his conscience is at peace. Why did Boaz hate lying? How do you know that atoms are Catholic? Whats the best way to study the Bible?You Luke into it. What kind of lighting did Noah have onboard the ark? 1) i don't like the people 2) the people don't like me and 3) i don't want to go. 45 Christian Jokes For Kids 1. In God I will praise his word, in God I have put my trust; I will not fear what flesh can do unto me. Worry is a cycle of inefficient thoughts whirling around a center of fear. Noah. ~ Rick Warren The worst evils of life are those which do not exist except in our imagination. Why were the people apprehensive about worshipping the Lord? All tractor-themed. What do we have that Adam never had? Which nursery song would Jesus have heard the most? In the 152. It (can) actually change the course of another person's day, week, or life. 154. Doing a miracle was Jesus favorite sports film. Why did the hawk sit on the church steeple? Zaccheus. Did you know they had cars in Jesus time? 4. Beyond its use as the name of the first man, adam is also used in the, Positive Words Capable of Energizing and Powering you Up, Reverent Jumma Mubarak Messages Adored by Devotees, 70 Beautiful Wedding Day Wishes for Friends 2020 Update, Romantic Birthday Wishes for Him that Will Make Him Smile, Give Her the Surprise of Her Life with these Homecoming Puns. A joyful heart is good medicine, Which nursery song would Jesus have heard the most? Through trade, invasions and conquest, the Aramaic language had spread far afield by the 7th century B.C., and would become the lingua franca in much of the Middle East. 134. To help you understand my sermon, I want you all to read Mark 17., The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon, the minister asked for a show of hands. 21. Jesus, take the steering wheel., 39. The next day, the card turned up in the collection plate. Why did the priest giggle during his homily? These Christian jokes will make you laugh (and even shake your head) for what seems like an eternity. What did Adam say to Eve when handing her something to wear? 104. If we had no troubles but real troubles, we should not have a tenth part of our present sorrows. Email. Finally, out of options, they ask their pastor if he can help. 148. What animal could Noah not trust? Whats so funny about forbidden fruits? This means if you were at a funeral, you'd likely rather be in the casket than giving the eulogy. ", 2. Answer: A convertible. At that moment, the substitute organist played The Star Spangled Banner. HYMNAL JOKES Enjoy :)! 108. Dear Jesus, if I get a red wagon for Christmas, I will eat all my vegetables for a year. Then Johnnie thought, Oh, no, that means spinach, broccoli and asparagus. 102. Moses, how do you make your coffee a man asked? Yes, but He prefers fruits of the spirit to religious nuts!. A pastor went out one Saturday to visit his church members. Answer: A roamin Catholic. Does God love everyone? Hebrews it, 197. Answer: Its a bird of pray. 4. Fear not to go down with Jesus into the grave. 115. ******************************** They were flaking crude stone tools by 2.5 million years ago. he asked. A: Yes, the Bible says that the. 1st John 4:18 (ESV) reads There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. "Hmm, sounds fishy." 2. What did the family members say when asked who would say grace? 110. Ivan had just been conscripted to fight in Ukraine. He that has his trust set upon God does not need to dread anything except the weakening or the paralyzing of that trust. - Corrie Ten Boom. Faith is likely to be described by Christians as a sacred, cherished, personal, serious part of their lives. Previous post: 10 Greatest Preachers of All Time, Next post: Leaving a Legacy: 10 Things I Want To Be Remembered For. Laughter is an important part of life and when it is coupled with Christian comedians you are bound to be rolling on the floor! ~ Psalms 23:4, What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee. They all babble. On the side of head. What do you call a Catholic service thats especially important? Answer: Cheetah. Halo, Halo, Halo! 7. Did you know they had cars in Jesus time? To the pastors surprise, the little boy jumps up out of his chair and runs out of the office. Or any liquid with legs really. 146. Where is the best place to get an ice cream cone? It wasnt the Pinky Promised Land. 142. captain realized his ship was sinking fast. Anyone can honk. Because it is smack bang in the middle of 9/11, An engineer dies and is accidentally sent to hell. To win the war against fear, we must know the true God as He is revealed in the Bible. What did the doctor tell the child? Priest: In that case you may keep it yourself. 10. Hilarious Christian Jokes Have a good laugh with these hilarious clean jokes! 22. Why did Noah have to punish the chickens on the Ark? 20. 168. Jesus name in Hebrew was Yeshua which translates to English as Joshua. 118. Accepting what the Bible teaches, trusting in Gods plan, and believing in Christs death and resurrection, after all, have a direct influence on how Christians live. Your mother ate us out of house and home! and they had determined that the child should not be named until after it was born, so that they could meet it and make the name based on that first magical moment. 105. 179. 2 Jokes about Fear: Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light . Pharaohs daughter went down to the Bank of the Nile and drew out a little prophet. 6. , Proverbs 17:22 He receives joy, not from condemning us but in rescuing us from the devil. A Parking Lot. Let us be strong and of good courage, for the Lord will fight for us if we stand in faith. Bethlehem lies 10 kilometres south of the city of Jerusalem, in the fertile limestone hill country of the Holy Land. 8. This is one of my favorites lol An FYI for Our Non-American readers:The Star Spangled Banner is the name of the US National Anthem So on hearing the anthem being played, everyone had to stand up! Shortening improves both sermons and biscuits! 181. With the power of God within us, we need never fear the powers around us. 138. Enjoy! Johnnys Mother looked out the window and noticed Him playing church with their cat. ~ Proverbs 1:7, Fear thou not; for I [am] with thee: be not dismayed; for I [am] thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness. God will fill Job's mouth with Laughter Job 8:21 "He will yet fill your mouth with laughter, and your lips with shouting." In this passage, Job has already and is still suffering from the loss of his loved ones and properties. Which Bible character was super-fit? 19. This joke may contain profanity. Answer: It was hole-y. What do donkeys send out near Christmas?Mule-tide greetings. 5. God knew Adam would never be able to make a doctor, dentist or haircut appointment for himself. 28 Chuck Norris Jokes. When fear is excessive it can make many a man despair. The cheerful Christian jokes will have you sharing the peace and passing the laughs to others during church, not simply before Bible study! These religious jokes are (sacra)ment to make you grin for what might seem like an eternity, and bring some laughter (and possible good-natured head shaking) to your day. Famous Amos. He knew a Lot. It is good to remind ourselves that the will of God comes from the heart of God and that we need not be afraid. The fear of man strangles us, because we can never please everybody; but the fear of the Lord frees us, because it challenges us to live and serve for an audience of One. 17. 53. What is a mathematicians favorite Bible book? ~~~, A wife and mom invited some people to dinner. By the third day Juans mind started to wander and the hunger and dehydration were getting the better of him. Copyright 2010-2023 Telling Ministries LLC. 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